Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
