What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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