So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
