I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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