Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
