You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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