I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
