I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
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