how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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