Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
