Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
