His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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