im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I checked into jail on foursquare
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
