dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
