so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
