nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I want her autograph on my taint
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I am mentally ready for anal.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
