why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
