carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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