my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize