I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize