Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
