forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
