Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
