her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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