Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize