If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
How external is "for external use only"?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize