i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
this beer tastes like vomit already
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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