At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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