last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
