im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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