I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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