do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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