I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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