why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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