My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize