And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
These tits shall not be calmed
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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