You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
