Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
