The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
