Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I want to have your abortion
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
