I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
