This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
