There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
