I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize