Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
