What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
