plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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