Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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