I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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