from now on my penis is your penis
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
