Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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