Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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