some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
there is puke in my bra ... again
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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