Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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