she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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