Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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