Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
