Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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