bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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