I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
