I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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