i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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