Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You can't motorboat a personality
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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