I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
so much tequila, so little girl.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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