Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
