how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
