It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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