we have officially lost it.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
So apparently I’m into choking now
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