oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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