At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
