when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
