I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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