WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
