He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
